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28 July 2009 @ 09:15 pm
I have a new journal. wigglyfire.livejournal.com =)
21 October 2008 @ 05:37 pm
School is stressful. 1 Lab practical + 3 Papers (15 pages total) + 1 Lab + 1 Project / one week = STRESS

Group was not helpful tonight. Everyone talked about parent issues which I don't have so I sat there quietly for the majority of the time.

I was hoping I was close to done with Bible Study. Wrong. My Bible study leader found me today while I was walking to class and I was a push over about the situation and promised I would be there once school calmed down. Sad.

David and I are amazing. Today marks 22 months of being together. And he got Verizon so we can talk whenever we want =)

I found out I cannot graduate in 4 years even if I take 18 credit hours a semester because Elementary Education Major is just that intense =/

I got sucked in to reading Twilight. It's not bad so far, and the way Edward talks reminds me slightly of Josh. Weird.

I am happy. It's weird to think about because I never thought I'd be saying that while attending UNC, but it's true. Sure I'm not completely happy because I wish David was here, but this will do. I have everything I need, there is no reason for all the saddness.
16 October 2008 @ 12:23 pm
I actually stayed up late last night! lol. I've been such a lame college student and going to bed around 9:30 except for this week. I hung out with people until around midnight and then David called me and we talked until 1:30. I was so glad to actually have a conversation with him, we haven't really been able to talk on the phone since I've been here. I had fun hanging out with everyone last night too, we walked to Qdoba at like 8 (Laura, Jamie, James, Jamie's friend, and I) and then we hung out in the lounge for a while and played "Never have I ever" (I left before that got bad though lol).

David and I have been really good lately. We had a fight yesterday but other than that we've been good this whole week. I love him so much.

I didn't go to any classes today. I wasn't feeling good when I woke up so I decided not to go. Lack of sleep was a big contributer to this. I figured though, I have straight A's, I think I can miss one day.

I have so much to do right now, maybe I'll write more later.
29 September 2008 @ 08:41 pm
Weekends at home always make me hit rock bottom. I realize how amazing Lakewood is and how much fun it is to do everything with David and it makes me sad how I can't change my circumstances. I don't know what to do, I'm so torn between leaving and staying. I kinda want to go to Colorado Christian University because it's right by my house and it would be closer to David but it's more than twice as expensive. I don't know what to do. I'm not going back to Lakewood until the end of October and see if it makes me happier.

Forcing myself to smile and think about how much fun it will be to see David over the weekend helps me stay strong. My roommates also help because I love hanging out with them. I would normally just lock myself in my room but since I can't do that having my roommates has helped me be more social and more happy.

I'm going to group therapy/counseling as soon as they get our group together. It's really weird to me, especially for me to admit there's something wrong. I want to feel truly happy though, I don't want to have mood swings all the time.

I will get better.
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
23 September 2008 @ 09:39 am
I'm having a darn good day. I texted a few people who mean a lot to me a nice "goodmorning" this morning, and it was a really great way to start the day.

I got to math and found out I got 10 out of 10 on both of the quizzes when everyone around me had C's and D's. I like those people a lot so it was sad to see that but I was very proud of myself for getting those grades. I feel confident in my ability to effectivly teach math to children and I'm so excited to teach.

I walked with my friend Bethany from math to antrhopology and found out it was cancelled and did a really dorky happy dance in front of like 20 people. lol.

Now I'm just sitting in my room singing country music really loud hoping that my suitmate isn't actually in her room so she doesn't have to hear that.

I've decided I need to make my own happiness. I've let outside factors get to me way too much. I need to be thankful for what I have. I have everything I need right now. Even though things aren't the way I want exactly, it gives me room to grow. I am out of my comfort zone and instead of thinking my life sucks because of it I need to embrace it. I'm here to grow and learn and make the best of my life. I'm not going to do anything less.

Here's to the new, happier, confident Katie!
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: "Do You Believe Me Now" - Jimmy Wayne
19 September 2008 @ 04:24 pm
I feel happier today and yesterday. The day before yesterday David and I were fighting really bad. I was fighting with his friend Viki and that made him really angry and I was talking to Josh all day which made it worse. I made up with Viki and stopped talking to Josh and now everything is much better. Steamy IM conversations with the boy also helped a lot lol.

I am going to BINGO tonight with Jenna. We're going to get there an hour early and get Starbucks and save seats. Also, the first 100 people get tshirts so we're going to try to be one of those people.

I have an appointment with a councellor on Monday but at this rate I don't think I'll need one anymore.

My family is coming up tomorrow morning and we're going shopping and out to eat. I'll probably give them a tour and stuff too. It's family and friends weekend.

David's coming up tomorrow night, too.

I still don't think I'm going to stay here. Greeley just sucks and I miss my best friends back home. Denver would be so sick to live in, too. I can't wait to move next semester, I'm getting really excited!

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
Make you believe
Make you forget

- "Come On Get Higher" Matt Nathanson
16 September 2008 @ 09:39 pm

Silent night, broken night
All is fallen when you take your flight
I found some hate for you
Just for show
You found some love for me
Thinking I'd go
Don't keep me from crying to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, moonlit night
Nothing's changed
Nothing is right
I should be stronger than weeping alone
You should be weaker than sending me home

I can't stop you fighting to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

I feel sad. More than sad, depressed. Not just the kidding kind when you have one bad day. Every fucking day has been more difficult than the last. I'm very unstable right now. I've been crying all day and I don't think a day has gone by in the last atleast 6 weeks that I have not cried. This is not healthy. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I can't live like this anymore.
Current Music: "Eskimo" - Damien Rice
09 September 2008 @ 01:59 pm
I'm not sure I like college. I like having my space and I don't like getting into trouble (drinking, drugs, random sex) and I don't want to even get a job! I just want to stay at home and raise children and cook and make crafts ...I don't want to actually have to work. I'm all the way up here in this town that smells like cow shit for nothing really.

I was talking to David about how I wanted to switch to Metro to be closer to everything and everyone but he doesn't want me to do that because he doesn't want me to interfere with his studies. That's such CRAP! I worked so hard to go to the same school as him and then when we're appart and I try to fix that by going to Metro he doesn't even appreciate it. THEN he complains about gas money and how he doesn't like driving all the way up here. Needless to say, our relationship is a bit rocky right now.

I hate living in the dorms ...it's small and I have no privacy or alone time. I hate having to wake up and tell my roommate that her alarm is going off because she's sleeping through it and I hate having one bathroom for 3 girls.

If I went to Metro I would be in the heart of downtown. I would be 30 minutes from my family and I wouldn't have to pay $6 every time I needed to do laundry. I could get a nicer job than just what the college offers and David would be only a few minutes away. I could even study wayyy cooler things like jewelry making or I could stick to what I'm doing because Early Childhood Education is offered there. Not to mention I would be saving so much money because tution is about half and I wouldn't have to live on campus and eat campus food.

We'll wait and see what happens though ...I might actually love it here and maybe I just need to give it a chance. So far I've given it the best chance I can and I'm not very happy, but it may change.
25 August 2008 @ 09:43 pm
College is really interesting.

One of my suitemates has a pound of weed she's trying to sell along with other various drugs.

She also got high in our bathroom the first night.

My other suitemate got alcohol poisoning her second night here.

She also screwed two different guys in one night.

My roommate is pretty nice though.

I've been having fun pissing off the liberals trying to hand out Obama stickers.

I'm really mature =D

I'm hanging out with David's friend Jeff all the time.

And he's hitting on me and I think I can feel some major sexual tension.

But only on his side.

I've met a ton of people and I only remember a few names.

There has been parties in my room every night and I've slept through all of them.

I still don't party.

(yay me!)

I miss my family like crazy.

I love this freedom but I want to go home.
Current Music: Regina Spektor is blocking out my suite mate's terrible "music"
20 August 2008 @ 12:45 pm
I leave tomorrow for Greeley and I really have mixed feelings about the situation. I'm SO nervous! But at the same time excited and relieved because this is what all my hard work is coming down to. I just wish I could take David, Leah and Julianna with me.

I got my driver's licence today!! It was totally on a whim yesterday I just called and scheduled an appointment and now I have my licence! I haven't driven nearly 50 hours and I've never driven at night but hey, I still passed! I won't be driving until the summer though because my parents don't want to pay for insurance yet.

Julianna and I said goodbye last night ...she came over around 7 and stayed until midnight! We talked a bunch and it was really nice. I wish we would've hung out more this summer.

I had a going away/birthday party on Saturday which was nice, I really enjoyed seeing all my relatives before leaving.

I'm not even close to being packed and I have so much stuff to bring up is rediculous! Leah's coming over in a few minutes and we're hanging out for the last time while I pack my stuff and paint my nails.

I can't believe I'm leaving my home tomorrow! =/